Jowita Bydlowska

Beauty, I’m Your Dog

George Greville, Adam Joseph, “I Wanna Be Your Dog” (2007)

The subject of human beauty is tricky. My own standards of beauty run close to the ones in the “Now I Wanna Be Your Dog” video; most of the time I make no effort to challenge these standards. But I know I’m not the only one. You’re lazy too – you like the girls in the video. I do – we all do – take the easy route when it comes to beauty. I rely on fashion magazines, videos like this one, wacky shows like “The America’s Next Top Model” to confirm that youthful, slim, big-eyed model types are what goes.

Girls are so pretty. Frankly, I don’t know how people can stand it with all these girls around. Sometimes walking around in my (soon-to-be-lame) hip neighbourhood I’m mentally floored by how pretty they are. It’s how I feel when watching this video. I look and look and I don’t know where or how to look any more. I’m downloading with my eyes, want my looking to figure out for me who the prettiest is – it’s too much all at once – but I keep getting “Download Error” message. They’re all fucking gorgeous.

In elementary school I had a classmate whom we called “Piggy” because of her weight, large cheeks and general unattractiveness. Piggy had the most beautiful eyes, unusually shaped, with a curtain of dark lashes and of the most intense green shade. I was fascinated by this hidden (behind the cliché coke-bottom glasses) feature. I remarked on it to other girls who insisted Piggy was a mess.

I’m embarrassed to admit that at the time I felt strangely generous telling other classmates that Piggy’s eyes were beautiful. Unlike Piggy I wasn’t called a name for my looks (okay, my large nose was a subject of a few heated insult exchanges). I think I was a total jerk by feeling generous and Piggy probably thought I was full of shit too. By the way, her real name was Agnes. She was tough; insisted she liked her nickname. She was smart and funny. She once said that she was the new incarnation of Marilyn Monroe, punished for her sins with ugliness. I laughed but felt defeated hearing this.

To detox from all that beauty, here’s the original “I Wanna Be Your Dog” song.

Iggy Pop, “I Wanna Be Your Dog” (1979)

– Jowita Bydlowska

Ryeberg Curator Bio

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Jowita Bydlowska was born in Warsaw, as in Poland. She moved to Canada as a teenager. That hurt. She got over it eventually and now she likes it in Canada. She's the author of "Drunk Mom," a memoir, "Guy," a novel, and "Possessed," also a novel. For fun she takes weird pictures, usually of herself, because she and herself are on the same page most of the time so it's just easier that way. More from Jowita Bydlowska here.