1) Hockey Night in Canada

The winning days of Maurice Richard may be a distant memory, but in May, 2010 it seemed les Canadiens of old had been raised from the dead. Having barely made it into the NHL Playoffs, they vanquished league leaders, the Washington Capitals, and Stanley Cup holders, the Pittsburgh Penguins. By the time their astonishing run was finally ended by the Philadelphia Flyers, they’d already sent Montrealers into near-hysterical celebrations.

The Habs performance brought to mind Sheldon Cohen’s sweet little film, “The Sweater” — based on Roch Carrier’s short story. Every Canadian kid born in the last forty years, French or English, knows this film. In fact, pick up any Canadian five-dollar banknote and you will find the following Roch Carrier quotation (in French, then translated into English): “The winters of my childhood were long, long seasons. We lived in three places — the school, the church and the skating-rink — but our real life was on the skating rink.”

Sheldon Cohen, “The Sweater” (1980)

2) So Unlike Myself

In the wintry parts of Canada, the end of the hockey playoffs marks the beginning of spring. You trade your ice skates for roller skates and glide the streets, though with only a fraction of the grace and dexterity of Gene Kelly.

Gene Kelly in “It’s Always Fair Weather” (1955) — thx Sean D

3) Something to Love

“She likes me so I like myself.” Ah! So simple, straightforward, reassuring. Not the case with Jesper Just. He is more: “He and it and they like me so I can’t like her.”

Jesper Just, “Something to Love” (2005)

4) If Her Face Is Not Good, That’s Discouraging

OK, so it’s spring. You’re a guy. How to choose your “something to love”? First thing, says Woody Allen, is avoid the ten and twenty-footers.

Woody Allen, “Woody’s Girls” (1967)

5) Remember To Say “I Love You”

Right, you’ve had your fill of attractive behinds and have spotted a girl who’s quite acceptable nose to nose. What next? Whatever you do, say “I love you” before it’s too late, or succumb — the way this fellow succumbs to a terrifyingly ardent 27 year-old Germaine Greer.

Martin Sharp, “Darling Do You Love Me?” (1968)

6) I Could Make You Rue The Day, But…

Yes, love is a mortally dangerous game. The safest policy is to set low expectations?

Marc Webb, “500 Days of Summer” (2009)

7) I’ll Just Go For A Lonely Walk

When the melancholy hits, how to deal? Wander the streets in the rain with your dog.

Pete Lawrie, “Paperthin” (2009, animation Hettie Griffiths) — thx Anthea F

8) Before, During, After: I’m An Emotional Wreck

Time perhaps to seek professional help. Advice: choose your shrink wisely.

Penny Pearce, “The Shrink” (the 1980s) — thx Amanda B

9) There Is Light Somewhere

Hey, what better cure for amorous agonies than a little uplifting poetry?

Tom Waits reading “The Laughing Heart” by Charles Bukowski

10) Even Among The Lower Forms of Life

Say no to dank submission! The Gods will offer you chances. Even mold finds love.

Mary Field, “Mystery of Marriage” (1932)